The Power of Looking in the Eyes

 

I should have posted this entry on Thursday 12^th as it looks like it was World Kindness Day then. Unfortunately and ironically that day ended up not being very kind to me so I delayed my writing. However, no day is a bad day to talk about kindness or charity.

So what is kindness? What is charity? I suppose the first thing that pops into one’s mind is donating time or money to organizations that support people and animals in need. I agree but I think it’s much more than that. In a world where people have become so self-centered, I even see kindness as in something as simple as looking into a beggar’s eyes when you tell them you cannot help. Unfortunately we will never be able to save every single person or animal that crosses our path looking for help. Some people might even say that they are not willing to give their hard-earned money to someone who will probably spend it on wine or cocaine.

I understand. It’s not a thought that pleases me much either. However, some time ago I spent some time thoroughly thinking about this matter. I’ve recently read a book called In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – Close Encounters with Addiction, by Dr Gabor Maté, a retired physician who worked extensively with addicts in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. It totally changed my thoughts on addiction. It made me realize that, among many things, we are ALL addicted to something.

Let me put it this way: who has never had a terrible day that ended with going straight to the closest shop to buy chocolate, chips, ice-cream or – yes – alcohol, to indulge in and forget about the bad day? It’s called comfort food, right? Now imagine the following scenario: on a cold winter’s night, a beggar approaches you asking for a buck or two. He or she has nowhere to go. No family, no friends, not a comfy place to sleep that night. What if booze is the only way this person has to keep him or herself warm? What if a few sips of wine are their only comfort in life? You have guessed what my next question is: why do we feel entitled to indulge in booze or comfort food, yet deny this right to a beggar? I know many people who will immediately say that’s because they work hard and it’s up to them to decide what to do with their own money. The beggar doesn’t work. Ok, fair enough. But how will that make you feel worse? If someone uses your two bucks to go get some meth, how does this negatively impact your life? After all, is the donation about you or about the beggar? Not to mention that we have absolutely NO idea what this person’s circumstances are. Maybe they are sick, maybe they have lost their job, maybe both. We just don’t know. Anyone, anytime, can be struck by misfortune and have it really hard in life. So let’s not judge, please, we would never want to be at the mercy of someone who thinks they are superior. Maybe this person finds in heroin the very same joy and relief we do when we bite that slab of chocolate. Besides, there is a chance that this individual will actually spend your bucks on food. They may be really hungry and your buck is the last one they need to go get that sandwich. In any case, for me, so be it if they spend it on cocaine, pot or whatever helps them find some relief. I love my nut butters too much to judge someone who shares the same feeling for beer or cigarettes.

I’ll finish this entry with a last thought. Even if one cannot or doesn’t want to help, there is something that is within everybody’s power to do. Something really simple that doesn’t cost you a cent. Offer a smile and look at the person in the eyes. More often than not, I see people completely ignoring beggars or volunteers asking for donations. It is as if they aren’t even there. Or they shoo them like one shoos a fly. I could go on about how this arrogance irritates me to my core, but I think I’ll leave it for another day. Back to my topic, even if you don’t feel like smiling, at least acknowledge that they are there. Look at them in the eyes. It will remind them that they are human too - just like you - and that, my friends, is a very important act of kindness.