Just Letting it all Out

Today there are no short stories or werewolf stories to share. Today’s post is about letting it out, venting, ranting, letting the steam out, you name it.

Maybe I should have done it a long time ago, but I always tried to stay strong. Today, for some reason, the scream is building up in my throat and if I don’t put it in words, I might as well scare the shit out of my neighbours who will undoubtedly believe I’m suffering some kind of seizure.

Some of you know – most don’t – that much to my shock I was fired by the company I had been working for for nearly two years as a writer and content coordinator. It came with no warning. After a Team Building with everything paid for (flights, a room with a view in a four-star hotel, dinner at the best restaurants, drinks, and local transport) at the beginning of September, followed by a week of leave on the beach which I needed like oxygen, the fateful call came on the 19^th of the same month.

‘It was a hard decision but we’re gonna have to let you go.’

Had I been punched in my stomach I don’t think I’d have felt any worse.

One-month notice, no compensation. From Nov. 1 I’d be unemployed and left with the little savings I had plus October’s salary. And that was it.

When I asked why, I was told the company wasn’t happy with my copy. This had been talked about during the Team Building and I admitted I was feeling tired after nearly two years of no proper leave, so it could be reflecting on my work. But there was a direction then and I knew I’d feel much better and refreshed after my holidays.

I was back to work on the 18^th. Feeling much better and inspired as predicted. I never saw the 19^th call coming. My whole world came tumbling down. All the plans I had made for the following months vanished in a flash. They took the carpet out of my feet, and I fell hard on the cold floor.

Needless to say, my family, especially my parents, got the shock of their lives too. As supportive as they have been, they are worried and I know they can’t support me forever. Nor do I want to. I am 43, well past the age when parents have to support their children. They have their challenges too and G-d forbid I add to the burden.

To say I was – and still am! - revolted with the situation is an understatement. But I told myself I’d keep my professional dignity until the last day. Which I did. Even when the same person who fired me called me again to ask me to train the two people – yes, two – who were going to replace me. Don’t you find it funny that they fired me because they were not happy with my work, yet couldn’t choose anyone else to train my coworkers but me, the very person they were firing? Even some of my colleagues complained that it was a bad decision. Of course, nothing changed. Managers are never wrong, are they? And to change their minds would be to admit a mistake, something that many people – especially bosses and managers – find too hard to do these days.

The person who fired me but asked me to train my colleagues kept chasing me to train them, to leave a handover, and called me a couple of times to know how far I had gone in training and if I felt they were ready. At some stage, he even asked me to insist with them for further training. The nerve!

Of course, when the 31^st of October came and I said goodbye and left all the company groups I was in, not a single member of management wished me good luck or even said a word about the matter. It would have been highly hypocritical anyway, so I was better off without that to add to my inner anger.

There is something about being a quiet person who hates conflicts. Because they just got away with it. They knew I wouldn’t start a legal battle. In good truth, I wasn’t even in the psychological mood to start one. After two years of Zopiclone to sleep and Cipralex to keep my chronic anxiety at acceptable and sane levels, I just thought I wouldn’t worsen it because of assholes.

But here I am now. Looking for a job because the money I have won’t last forever. I’ve sent out more than one hundred CVs but have had three interviews only so far. Two were not successful. G-d knows about the third one.

I’m even trying to push for my debut novel but as an unknown author, I can’t say I am being successful. Lesson learned: NEVER give up your personal projects to just focus on work. Because when they have to kick your ass, they will. And they won’t be bothered if you’re left with nothing. It’s business as usual.

I could say so much more. In fact, I don’t even believe this had to do with my copy. I always said and admitted that I may not always have written masterpieces, but I ALWAYS tried my best even when I was tired, demotivated, or uninspired. Know too, that it was the first time ever in my life (and I started working when I was 19) that I have been fired because a company wasn’t happy with my work.

There was no warning, no second chance, no kind of grace period after my holidays. It was being perpetrated on my back, while I was swimming in the sea and getting a tan, clueless of the rope being placed around my neck. Possibly even being perpetrated during the Team Building. The fully paid Team Building.

I am trying to keep my spirits high, and my head out of the water. Trying to see this as an opportunity, rather than a catastrophe. But today I had to put it in words and share my feelings.

I am just going to let karma do its thing. Eventually, the truth of who some people really are comes up.

And at the same time, I'd like to thank all my family, friends, and acquaintances that have been supportive in this time of uncertainty.